Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize