I didn't shave. On purpose
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize