I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
