thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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