Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
