He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize