.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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