How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
