If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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