where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
