The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
