the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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