he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
