She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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