I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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