Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
