youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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