why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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