Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
