I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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