I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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