in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
