you would pick up someone in the library
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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