How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
