I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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