her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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