I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
