idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
