I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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