Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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