420 ftw
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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