Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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