seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
