We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
