i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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