I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
