thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
