She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
