he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
