Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize