Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize