Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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