we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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