He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
