I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
