You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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