so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
