So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
