I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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