I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everclear isn't food dammit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
