Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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