Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
