She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
