I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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