ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
