He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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