I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
