I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
