Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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