i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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