How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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