so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize