i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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