If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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