I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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