Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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