just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
