I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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